Ladies, I Will Tell You How I Learned to Forgive – 7 Steps to Healing

Ladies, I Will Tell You How I Learned to Forgive – 7 Steps to Healing

By Shawnna Jocelyn

Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do, but it’s also one of the most powerful. I held onto hurt for years—resentment, pain, disappointment—all of it weighed me down. I thought that by staying angry, I was protecting myself. But the truth is, holding onto unforgiveness was only hurting me. I had to learn that forgiveness wasn’t about excusing someone else’s actions—it was about freeing myself.

If you’ve ever struggled with forgiving, I want you to know that you are not alone. Healing takes time, but it’s necessary for your peace, your growth, and your future. Here are seven steps that helped me learn to forgive and truly move forward, supported by God’s word.

1. Acknowledge Your Pain

Before you can forgive, you have to be honest about your pain. For years, I tried to act like things didn’t bother me, but deep down, I was hurt. I had to face my emotions head-on and admit to myself that I was struggling. Acknowledging your pain is the first step to healing.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” – Psalm 147:3

2. Understand That Forgiveness is for You

I used to think that forgiving someone meant I was letting them off the hook. But I realized that forgiveness is not about them—it’s about me. When you hold onto anger, you are the one carrying the burden, not them. Choosing to forgive allows you to find peace and move forward without bitterness.

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” – Colossians 3:13

3. Shift Your Focus to Healing

Instead of replaying the hurt over and over in my mind, I had to shift my focus to healing. That meant taking care of myself emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I spent more time in prayer, journaling, and surrounding myself with positive influences. When you focus on healing, forgiveness starts to feel like a necessary part of the process.

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!” – Isaiah 43:18-19

4. Set Boundaries Where Needed

Forgiveness doesn’t mean allowing toxic people back into your life. Sometimes, forgiveness means loving someone from a distance while protecting your peace. I learned to set boundaries with those who continued to hurt me while still choosing to release the bitterness from my heart.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” – Proverbs 4:23

5. Pray for Strength and Guidance

There were moments when I didn’t feel strong enough to forgive on my own, and that’s when I turned to God. I asked Him to soften my heart and give me the strength to release the pain. Prayer helped me let go of my anger and replace it with peace.

“The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.” – Psalm 145:18

6. Let Go of the Need for an Apology

One of the hardest lessons I learned was that I couldn’t wait for an apology to forgive. Some people may never acknowledge their wrongs, and that’s okay. Your healing doesn’t have to depend on someone else’s actions. Choosing to forgive, even without an apology, is choosing to take back your power.

“But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” – Matthew 5:44

7. Embrace the Freedom of Forgiveness

When I finally let go of the resentment, I felt lighter. I could breathe again. The weight I had been carrying for so long was finally gone. Forgiveness brought me freedom, peace, and a new sense of clarity. It allowed me to move forward without the pain of the past holding me back.

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” – John 8:36

Final Thoughts

Ladies, forgiveness is not easy, but it is necessary. It is an act of strength, not weakness. When you choose to forgive, you are choosing to heal, to grow, and to reclaim your joy. Let go of the hurt, set yourself free, and embrace the life God has for you. You deserve peace, and that starts with learning to forgive.