Overcoming Communication Barriers with Your Children

Let’s face it—talking to kids isn’t always easy. Sometimes it feels like you’re speaking two different languages, especially as they grow and their personalities start to shine. But breaking down those communication barriers is one of the most important things you can do to build trust and understanding with your children. When you use the L.O.V.I.N.G. formula (Listening, Openness, Vulnerability, Investment, Nurturing, Gratitude), you create a foundation for stronger and more meaningful connections.

Why Communication Barriers Happen

First off, it’s good to understand why these barriers exist. Kids might:

• Feel misunderstood or unheard.
• Be afraid of judgment or punishment.
• Not know how to express their emotions or thoughts.

And let’s be honest—sometimes parents are so busy juggling life that we don’t give the conversation our full attention. It happens! But the key is being intentional about creating space to really listen and talk.

Using the L.O.V.I.N.G. Formula to Connect

Listening

Communication starts with truly hearing your child. Active listening shows them you care about their thoughts and feelings. Put down the phone, make eye contact, and nod along as they talk. A simple response like, "Tell me more about that," can go a long way in encouraging them to open up.

Openness

Be open to hearing their perspective, even if it’s different from yours. For example, if your teenager is passionate about something you don’t understand, like a new music trend or a video game, ask questions. Show genuine interest in their world to build a bridge of understanding.

Vulnerability

Let your child see that you’re human too. Share age-appropriate stories about times you felt scared, made mistakes, or didn’t know what to do. Vulnerability helps your child feel safe enough to share their own struggles with you.

Investment

Make intentional time for one-on-one moments. Whether it’s cooking dinner together, going for a walk, or having a nightly chat before bed, these small investments of time send a big message: “You matter to me.”

Nurturing

Encouraging words and supportive actions strengthen your bond. Praise their efforts, not just their successes. If they’re struggling, let them know it’s okay to have tough days. A hug or a kind word can nurture their emotional well-being.

Gratitude

Expressing gratitude goes both ways. Thank your child for helping with chores or for being kind to their sibling. Gratitude teaches them to appreciate the positive moments in life and creates a more supportive environment.

Real-Life Examples

• Listening to the Silent Teen: A mom noticed her teenage son clamming up at dinner. Instead of forcing him to talk, she started texting him small messages like, "Thinking about you" or "Good luck on your test." Over time, he began opening up more in person.
• Showing Vulnerability to a Toddler: A dad noticed his 4-year-old throwing tantrums. Instead of getting frustrated, he sat down and said, "I see you’re upset. Can I share a story about when I felt frustrated?" By opening up, he made it easier for his son to express himself.
• Investing in Quality Time: A family started a weekly tradition of Friday game nights. The laughter, teamwork, and conversations during these moments created a stronger connection for everyone.

Small Acts That Make Big Differences

Breaking communication barriers isn’t just about having deep conversations; it’s also about building trust through small, everyday actions:

• Write Notes: Leave a little note in their lunchbox or on their desk. Something like, "I’m proud of you," can brighten their day and remind them you’re in their corner.
• Spend Quality Time: Go for a walk, bake cookies together, or have a movie night. These moments create opportunities for natural, unforced conversations.
• Apologize When You’re Wrong: If you mess up, own it. Saying, "I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have raised my voice," shows your child it’s okay to admit mistakes and fosters mutual respect.

The Long-Term Payoff

When you put in the work to communicate better with your kids using the L.O.V.I.N.G. formula, the benefits are lifelong. They’ll learn to trust you, open up to you, and feel confident in expressing themselves. Plus, you’ll have the joy of watching your relationship with them deepen and grow.

So, the next time it feels like you’re hitting a wall, take a step back. Listen. Be open. Be patient. And remember—building bridges takes time, but the connection you create is worth every bit of effort.

by Shawnna Jocelyn